Butterfly Effect

Last night, I chanced upon an old friend with whom I haven't talked to for a couple years. He was online and he didn't seem busy, it being a Sunday night. Before I sent him an instant message, I remembered that he had a blog from way back when we first got to know each other. That was four years ago. I actually think that I might have influenced him to start blogging.

It was four years ago and I was about to come back to the Philippines from my one-year study in Japan. This was the time when social networking sites started popping out from nowhere and I suddenly had a dozen of accounts with different networking sites. In one of those sites, this old friend sent me a wink. I winked back. He then sent me a message introducing himself. And I gave him my name as well. That's how it started.

We would be chatting online every night and we started sharing pictures. I even called him once and we talked for around 15 minutes, which is quite expensive given that it's an international call. I got to know him more and more and I developed a liking for him. He's an artist, he studies at the other university in the area where my university was, and he was funny. I must admit, at that point, I was starting to fall for him.

"Hey"

"Hey Boyd"

"Hey Andrew"

"What's up"

I told him how it's been a long time since we last talked. I also told him that I was digging through his old blog and found the two poems.

There were two poems that I know he wrote about me.

When I returned to the Philippines, I got in touch with him and set up a meeting. And so we did. At a cafe right across his university, we met for the first time in person. The spark was undeniable. I felt it the first time I saw him.

We talked on the phone. A lot. Those were the times when landlines were still en vogue. Now, no one barely uses landlines anymore, huh.

The next time that we met, he visited me at school and met some of my friends. We walked off to the lagoon and at dusk, under the light of the lamps, we kissed. I held his hands all night because I know that after that I would have to let go. Forever.

Andrew had a boyfriend back then when we met. And I'm not the type who would wreck relationships for my own happiness. I don't want to feed off the misery of others. And I want to believe in forever. And commitment. And contentment. And I don't want some other guy doing that thing to me in my future relationships. So I told Andrew to forget about me and I told him that I'll let him go.

It's difficult to sacrifice your own happiness for someone else's because your principles and your conscience dictate you to. It's more difficult when the person you're sacrificing it for doesn't seem to cooperate with the plan. It's simple. Forget about me and be happy with your boyfriend. Later on, I just had to cut everything and come back only when I know that I'm no longer a threat.

I was partly happy because I know I saved a relationship.

But it's funny because after all our reminisces Andrew tells me, "By the way, wala na pala kami. One year na."

And the butterfly effect of my decision dawned on me. Did I just prolong their relationship. Or did I end it. Would it have been okay if I fought for my feelings because they would break up eventually anyway? I didn't try exhausting all the possibilities because thinking of the what-ifs is just depressing.

But maybe not as depressing as what I feel right now when I find myself in the same shoes that he was in four years ago...

Ang Lihim Ni Antonio

Truth be told, I liked the film. It might be your typical gay film but for an indie film, the cinematography - which for me is the most important thing next to the storyline - was great.

You'd think that the title is a giveaway but I like the twist at the end. You know how all those films hype their "stories with a twist", this one was a very subtle yet effective twist. And I loved the subtlety of it more than anything.

The actors were also effective. Shamaine Buencamino delivered well as expected. Josh Ivan Morales can act, surprisingly! And Kenjie Garcia, the teen who played Antonio, was believable in his portrayal. The question that goes on in my head is: How did they convince this kid, and his parents, to play this role which demands such sensitive scenes?

I'm definitely recommending this film, even if I do think that there are too many gay films out there and they keep on rehashing the same stories. But I don't believe that they've exhausted all possible stories and perspective on gay life. I'm watching for the next film that can capture that.

Long Hiatus Again

Dear readers,

Sorry for not posting at all recently.

Jake and I have both been very busy, he with school and I with work. I didn't mind that. At least I know that neither of us is being idle. Despite the tight schedule, we still got to spend time with each other, and that's the only thing I can ask for.

Anyway, i'll be pre-dating my posts so you might wanna scroll down for my new entries...

That Special Day

After spending a weekend in Shanghai without Jake around, I felt guilty that he was sulking here in Manila, with tons of school work and rehearsals to attend. So on our special day of the month (nope, we don't have periods. LOL) I decided to check-in with him at Holiday Inn. It's not the most luxurious of all hotels but at least we get to spend time with each other, just the two of us. Plus, the buffet breakfast is a good deal! (And I also get discounts from the hotel, hihihi.)

The last time we did this, he had rehearsal for most of the day and I ended up window shopping in Galleria waiting for him. This time, we really spent quality time sleeping with each other (in the literal and the naughty sense of the expression). Sometimes you really just need a nice sleep, in a tight embrace, to reconnect. It always works for me.

The next day, we had a really good breakfast, even if we woke up quite late for it (less than 30 minutes before the closed the buffet).

Shanghai Weekend

It was a long weekend and it happened to coincide with my friend P's birthday. She lives in Shanghai and since I've never been there and it's her birthday and I have a long weekend, I decided to go.

It's really easy to jump to another city these days. You just go online and buy a ticket. Sometimes you have to apply for a visa too but getting a Chinese visa doesn't take much of an effort. You just pay for the visa fee and wait for 4 days.

I got an evening flight which was ideal so that I don't have to take a leave on the Friday that I left. I was in Shanghai the same night and P was nice enough to pick me up from the Pudong airport which was 40 minutes from downtown. That's not like an airport-Makati distance although it takes roughly the same time.

My first impression was that it was impressively clean! I had an idea that it would be a bit dirty but it wasn't. I'm not really a fan of urban sightseeing but it helped that I was with a "local" and P took me to some of the best places to hang out in the city.

It was also a good thing that we had a reason to celebrate so I had an excuse for splurging. Aside from the fact that it was P's birthday weekend, it was also my first time ever in China. Never been to Macau nor HK. Those should be next on my travel list.

I won't bore you with the details of my trip. Aside from an afternoon in Yu Garden, it was mostly eating, drinking and shopping. If you need tips on where to go, honestly don't ask me! Because I was just being whisked away from one place to another in a semi-permanent state of drunkenness. Or maybe I can tell you to go to Jean Georges! That place defines posh!

Gay travelers in Shanghai? Don't worry! Your choices will not be limited to the locals. Shanghai is probably one of those cities in the world where ever nationality is well-represented. I for example was moving around with the Filipino posse and the happy people who were lucky enough to be their friends! Pinoys really know how to have fun :)

I was back in Manila Tuesday morning and went straight to work. It was kinda tiring but my weekend felt longer that it actually was and I had a lot of fun! Thanks P for hosting me :)

D.tour Blue Lounge

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, Jake and I decided to head out and have late lunch, merienda and a quick dinner. Sundays in Ortigas are a bore. There's usually nothing open. Even McDonald's is closed sometimes. The only interesting thing that we did that day aside from having sundaes at Icebergs was a trip to D.tour Blue Lounge.

I've heard about this for quite some time and Jake was kinda curious about the place. Since we didn't have anything better to do, we just decided to go and check it out.

It's right along Shaw Boulevard near JRU. The place looks more like a house than a lounge. But someone opened the gates for us. We were then escorted to the lobby where they gave us membership forms - the lounge is for members only - and then we had to pay our membership fees. Another guy then gave us a tour of the lounge. It's actually a big property and they created "themed" rooms for "certain" activities. One fine example is the "viewing room". I had a different idea when I heard the name of the room being said. But it's still not as innocent as you'd think it is.

For a lounge, having an orientation on the house rules is a bit weird and unnerving. But that's exactly what they did. They're actually a lot of common sense but maybe they just need to repeat it in case people are too stupid to know.

After that orientation, we explored the lounge on our own. There was pretty much no one indoors except for a couple or three guys. Many were in the outdoor area, smoking. The "viewing room" had an immediate effect on us and since the coast was clear, Jake and I had a go at it. Ha Ha Ha. That was fun!

The place feels homey and is quite different from the usual haunts in the Metro which are either noisy or sleazy. This place is very discreet. And it feels very exclusive. I wouldn't going back here. With Jake of course. And I don't mind having a go with him here either. He He he.

Let's just say that there's a thrill in the possibility of getting caught.

Thanks Tiggah for Dropping by :)

I couldn't believe it myself but Tiggah visited Life with Boyd and Jake. And he left a footprint in the comments section :)

TiggahTigz.blogspot.com is one of the few gay blogs that Jake and I really follow. It's sort of because we can kind of relate to Tiggah and his boyfriend Pooh a lot. Especially when it comes to food!!! We're big foodies, too. I think that one of the things that keep Jake and I together is food. We just eat a lot. We can share a large pizza between us. But it's taking its toll on me. Gotta exercise more.

Anyway, thanks again Tiggah!