A Double Dozen Treat And Hoo, The Halloween Owl Bear

Tuesday night was the worst.

He was still not talking to me, not texting me and not showing up on YM. I cried like a baby for hours until the dawn broke. I actually proved that you can drown in tears. When crying, sit up, or lie on your side.

I trudged through Wednesday.

Everybody felt it. I was a walking raincloud. I dampen the mood of people around me. And everybody was asking, what's wrong. I didn't want to talk to people because I don't want them to judge me, or Jake or us as a couple. I only told a few friends whom I know would understand and would not judge. I didn't even tell my roomie who was a close friend from college and a colleague from work. People can be so judgmental. It's as if they're the ones who are in the relationship. I hate it especially if it comes from people who have never been in any semblance of a relationship. What do they know? I thought I'd rather shut up.

Thursday night was not better.

I went home, excited, expecting an extra pair of shoes at the threshold. But when the shoes weren't there, I said maybe he brought it to the room and I checked the bed. It was empty. I even checked the bathroom. No one was there. My best friend was there, though. I didn't even notice. He and my roomie were pretending to be asleep when I came. Maybe there's a surprise. I checked the closet. It was empty. Then I felt really sad...

Friday.

He said it was a week. So today has got to be it. I counted seven days and today was the seventh and if he's not coming to get me, I'll come and get him. Despite coming home late this morning, I managed to wake up with enough time to prepare for this. I went to Krispy Kreme and bought two dozens of doughnuts and made sure that I got the assorted varieties that he loved. The night before, I spotted a Bearista bear at Starbucks Emerald and crossed my fingers that they had some, too at Robinson's. Heaven was smiling at me because there was still one left when I came in. The barista faked a tearful farewell to the bear and asked who the bear is for. And I said, "My Baby".

With donuts in one hand and a bear owl in another, I took a cab from the mall to his school and called his friend to make sure that he was there. I was lucky that he went off to run some errands for a while when I got there. Made the element of surprise more surprising.

Fifteen minutes later, he arrived. I was inside the café, he was outside. I went out and sneaked at him and said, Hi. And he said hi back, looking half-scared and half-surprised. And hugged me really tightly and cried.

That, my dear friends, was a moment to die for. I felt all the pains, regrets and guilt just drop to the ground with his one sweeping display of emotions. In that tight embrace, I felt his love, forgiveness, reassurance and happiness. I was too cool to cry. So I wore shades. Hehe. Cheating. I know.

We spent the early afternoon together until I had to leave for work and he had to go to his next class. But at least I know, sans the trappings of spoken words, that all was forgiven. But not forgotten; because if we forget, we wouldn't learn. I wouldn't learn.

I learned it the hard way and I'm just happy that I saw it as the way it is. It was a test. And the choice was not between Jake and Dean but between commitment and falling short of it.

A friend from university days "divined" that my fate would be "full of long-term relationships but no lifetime commitments." For a long time, I was living against that and felt that I needed to prove him wrong. But my recent experience proves that fate, even destiny, can only take you so far. But when you reach that point, it's ultimately your choice and you make your own life.

I've told Jake that happiness in a relationship is not about being better off. It's about commitment and contentment. Because if everybody wants to be better off, then nobody will be happy. For others, happiness in a relationship is a state of mind. For me happiness is a choice. And I choose to be happy.

p.s. Jake attempted to call the Bearista Owl Bear, Dean, in honor of the man of the hour. I think I laughed to that. Jake took it back and said he'd call the Owl Bear Hoo instead. But I really found it hilarious, babe. :p