Enfants Terribles

A faghag of the olden days, on the way to the baptism of a recent godchild, asked me if I ever wanted children.

My own child - nice thought - I've never really thought about it deeply and intimately; maybe in passing, but not seriously.

I've kidded that maybe for tax purposes I could adopt children. With the amount of money that the BIR is getting from me, I can put four kids through grade school and still have enough money left to go on a weekend trip to Hong Kong. Or maybe I could have kids to get even with my friends who seem to be having fun getting married and making us godparents of the kids they made and letting us organize bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, baptisms and first birthdays, all in the name of friendship. I've told them not to get married and have babies every year because we homosexuals are in the losing end. We can't married (legally) and have babies (naturally, by accident, planned, or otherwise).

I don't really have any emotional reasons to have my own child. I think for many people - and I'm not saying all - their reasons for having children is partly emotional, and in a way selfish. They want a child to carry their name, they want a child that they can call their own, a child that came from their own flesh and blood, who bears a striking resemblance to them, and who will be obliged - by law, morals, social expectations, human compassion and debt of gratitude - to take care of them when they grow old. But as for me, I really don't have any pressing reasons to have a child. If I do, maybe I'll do an Angelina Jolie and adopt a Cambodian orphan. I don't want to bring another child in this world to let him experience or witness human suffering as it happens. We have far too many poor and sick children to add to the burden on the human race. I'm not saying that having your own child is morally wrong. I guess I just brought it upon myself that it is my responsibility to keep the population increase in check.

I posit the theory that homosexuals are an evolutionary tool to keep the human population in check. My girl friends (of the single sort) have asked me at least one hundred times how homosexuals multiply when they don't bear children, and if homosexuality is genetic, then we would have died out because the homosexual gene rarely gets passed on to the next generation (i hate to think this would make you doubt about your parents' orientation). I guess it's a case of nature AND nurture. Maybe the homosexual gene is a later-stage mutation caused by the food we eat or the season when we were conceived. And with most societies starting to be more tolerant of homosexuals, maybe it's actually a repressed norm. There might be more or us than you think there actually is.

I digress. When we reached church 45 minutes later, and 45 minutes late for the baptismal rites, I realized that I, along with my friends, are of marrying and parenting age. Two of my friends have children, three are either married or engaged. I have Jake. I somehow feel the need to be scared that I'm losing out my friends to the family way. But that last sentence was more than reassuring. Yes. I have Jake.