Long Distance Relationships Work (Part 2)

Previously: Frankie and Jai battle it out against all odds as they stand firm on their decision to maintain a long-distance relationship. Will they be able to keep things from deteriorating or will the culture clash, the language barrier, the different time zone and the sheer geographical distance bring this relationship to a bitter end?

We'll never know how KK and Arthur really met because KK has a thing about not telling the story according to how it actually happened because he wants to preserve a certain self-image. He's not really trying to put up appearances but he's just conscious about the way people perceive him. In this case, he doesn't want us, his friends, to think that he's a slut. Maybe he's not or maybe he is. But the factoids that we know about the circumstances of the meet-up were far and few in-between. KK met Arthur in Bed Bar in Malate two weeks before he's told anyone that he met some guy. Who introduced himself to whom would tell us who is slutting around town. Bed is not exactly the gay destination of choice for a good majority of my gay friends... okay, an overwhelming majority of them... as the quality deteriorates - venue and people - as you move away from Makati. KK's "new friends" happen to hang out in Malate all the time. The reason why it took KK two weeks to tell us that he's in such a state with a semblance of "dating someone" is partly because 1) he has "new friends" who are more like recycled friends, and 2) he knows of our aversion for gay Malate.

Let's be clear. I am not dissing KK. He just happens to be the resident underdog in the clique and the tag has grown into him. I'm actually humbled by the fact that of all our gay friends, he feels comfortable confiding in me and seeking my advice.

So again, who was spotted slutting around gay Manila. We'll never know until KK spills all the beans. The slutting around turned out to be a good thing. At first it was high time for paranoia, confusion, miscommunication, misunderstanding and a lot of great expectations and wrong first impression. Which are all normal for a person who just came out of a comfortable/complacent three-year relationship meeting a new guy whom you like in a way you're unsure about and who seems to like you for the wrong reasons. Or so you thought.

Arthur, in a nutshell, is a chap who photographs well. Like his cousin. I've written about them earlier in this blog. According to KK's voluntary disclosures, Arthur made him crave for sex again. A state he's never been in for the last months of his previous relationship. It was a slow gradual process that eventually became a daily routine up to a point where they'd do nothing but each other for an entire day. Even work sometimes gets brushed aside because "it's getting in the way".

In the beginning of things, KK's complaint was that despite his sex appeal, Arthur is shallow and they'd talk about nothing. As in nothing. I was about to foredoom the relationship, or whatever it was back then, but KK made certain pronouncements about the setup. That it was just for the sex. That he just wanted to get back into the game. That he was still enjoying the company. And that he doesn't want to be tied down again in another relationship. The biggest thing that is holding KK back is that in less than a year's time, KK is flying to Europe for his Master's degree. He doesn't want to invest in something that he's gonna stop eventually.

The first dilemma was what the status of their relationship was. "KK," I told him over coffee, "you've barely spent a month with the guy and you wanna label the relationship?" He said that it was not him but Arthur asking. "What do you think are you?" I asked.

"Friends...?"
"Friends?"
"Yeah. Friends. Fucking Friends."

Which is the root word of Friends with Benefits.

He doesn't want to be attached to someone at the moment. That's the least he needs for now. And he's afraid that Arthur is becoming clingy. I told him to be fair and leave the guy or at least be honest about what he really thinks about the relationship and what he needs from it. But KK thinks that he can have the cake AND eat it, too. I told him that it's only a matter of time before the cake realizes that he's being eaten up alive.

KK is the biggest flipflop of all time and the next week he was saying that he now can't imagine himself without Arthur and that he was afraid that Arthur has lost interest in him and that he has changed towards him. Talk about paranoia. He also felt that Arthur was "cheating" on him.

"You're oversteppin' it, bitch," I told him on a text message. "How can he 'cheat' on you when you're not together and you don't want to be too attached to him?"

"I think I'm falling for him."

"Damn straight, and if you keep on it, you'll have enough emotional baggage for a two-year hiatus in Sorbonne."

Two weeks later, he finds out that the rumors were just that. Filthy rumors spread by one of his so-called "new friends" who apparently was also into Arthur and was jealous that KK ended up with Arthur instead of him. He then asked me if he should tell him how he really feels and if he should tell him that he's leaving within the year.

That decision was not for him to make. A few days later. Arthur pronounced his sentiments love of admitted that he knew that he was leaving for France. The absent-minded KK was unaware that he leaves his YM conversation with me open for his ex-boytoy-and-soon-to-be-boyfriend to see.

There were waterworks which was understandable but could be over-the-top to some. But they've decided to carry on with what they have and cross the bridge when they get there. Hopefully they would not be burning bridges instead.

The situation is complicated by differing religious beliefs and cultural upbringings. KK comes from a straight-as-an-arrow Catholic family but he turned out to be an atheist until he found his God among the Methodists. Arthur, believe it or not, is a Maranao Muslim royalty (which is pretty much titular and meaningless exceppt for the number of hectares you own), as in the princess of Sulu kind of royalty. He's actually married but decided to leave for Manila. Now that he's finished with his studies, the family pressures him to come back and settle down. With a girl. We all know Arthur digs dicks exclusively so there's no way this is happening.

There's also no way to run away from family duty without being disowned. After KK's Europe sojourn, Arthur plans to run away with him to the halal Big Apple: Dubai. If he can run away at all.

I've told KK that his relationship is a walking textbook case that can be used in fourteen different fields of study and I've asked him how he felt about it. "It might be interesting but I wished it were a bit more normal. But I'm happy just the same."

And I think, in the end, beyond distances and differences, that - happiness - is all that matters.